Space

While I was teaching Claire the "order of operations" (My Dear Aunt Sally, etc.) this afternoon, the poor thing had a break down. I was sure that it wasn't over whether you should first multiply or divide; it took a little prodding to figure out what was going on. For her privacy's sake, I won't mention everything her little heart is worried about, but one thing really stuck out.

Space.

The girl is desperate for some space, literally. It made me think of The Secret Garden's Mary Lenox who wanted a garden of her own. Somewhere secret that she could love, tend and escape from her unhappiness.

From Claire as she lay next to me sobbing:

I need privacy. I know, me too.

I'm tired of having Rose mess up the room and ruin all of my things. I know, me too.

I need a place I can go where no one will bother me while I try to think about things. I know, me too.

I can't always be good. Sometimes I need to get away from people until I feel better. I know, me too.

I don't have anywhere where I can have peace. I know, me too.

The girl and I are so much alike. I feel for her and my heart breaks that I can't manage to find a good solution. There is no way for her to have her own room. Our house is small, full of people and there is no where to go. Outside, we are surrounded by neighbors and there's nowhere to walk. There are people everywhere and there's nothing I can do to change that.

My heart too desires peace, quiet, privacy, solace. As a mother of three, I'm not going to get much of that, but I pray that one day, we will have a home that will be more compatible to that desire.

Space.

Day In and Day Out

The kids watching a hail storm

- little did we know that same storm would produce tornadoes that killed a bunch of people a hundred miles from us :(

We've had a lot of talk about tornadoes in our home lately. Mostly from William. He is mildly obsessed with the weather, the calender and time. We check the weather every morning and pay strict attention to what our outside temp. reader says in the car. While babysitting at a friend's home the other day, I noticed her son was the same way. He kept informing me what the temperature was outside. From what I hear from his mom, he also is a keen observer of their calender. Funny boys.

Days seem to be flying by and I seem to always be behind. Our menu and food preparation is taking a hit. Lots of Apple Jacks being eaten over here. Ryan hasn't said anything, he never would, but I can tell he's being very patient with me. Dinner time just sneaks up on me! I had better work on that. Maybe I need to make William in charge of the menu - or at least enforcing it. He has a way with nagging and keeping a very strict schedule.

The (please come visit us) City

It dawned on me that I have lived away from home (where I was born, grew up, etc.) almost as long as I lived at my home. We're still a few years away, but it's coming up fast. It's funny when those scales of time start to tip the other way. I guess I could also say that I have known Ryan for almost half of my life. Weird.

For a large portion of that time, I have called St. Louis (and surrounding area) "home". I like it here. I do. When I left Texas for college out of state, I was very eager to get the heck out of there. No offence to Texas...I'm a Texan through and through, but I was ready to move on, try something new, get away from the "high school" drama that prevailed at my high school and continued at the colleges there.

I loved Utah, or bits and parts of it. But after six years, I was more than ready to go. But here? I'm doing OK. I've had my moments when I'm ready to try someplace new, but for the most part, I'm good. I like it here and I'm not anxious to move on. St. Louis was never a place I ever thought I would live, not because I didn't want to, but because it was never even on my radar. I didn't know anyone who had lived here or really even traveled here. I had nothing to identify with. Oh wait. My best friend in 4th grade came here for a family vacation and she sent me a picture of the arch. There's that.

But what makes me sad, is that I can't convince anyone to come visit us here. We haven't had an out-of-town guest in almost a year. Not one. I tell everyone how great it is here, but it doesn't work. Maybe it's us. I don't know. But it makes me sad.

Which reminds me, Kalee, you up for a visit from us this summer? We had so much fun when you came, it's our turn to come see you!

My Assistant

Most of the time, Rose does not like having her picture taken. But on this day, she insisted on being in every picture.

Though my husband and others may think me crazy for taking the trouble of painting a room blue when our house is up for sale, but I am very pleased that I finally did it. William has been living in a purple (OK, steely gray lavender) room for over a year, and I promised him I would "fix" it. I don't know what finally inspired me, but one day, I bought the paint and two days later, it was done.

I had a very hard time taking a picture that truly shows the color. William's room only gets direct sunlight for a few minutes at the end of the day, and this particular day, it was cloudy. But the color is "Oxford Blue" from Eddie Bauer bought at Lowes. Let me tell you one thing: I bought the paint that had the primer built it. It cost a little more and I was skeptical, but it worked beautifully! So easy and only took one coat.

Maybe I'll try to take another picture on a sunnier day with better lighting.

We've been up to a little bit of everything. As the weather warms, we just make more and more plans. We went to the park this morning to bask in the sun and warmth. Well, the kids didn't get hurt, but I did the minute I started playing with them. I managed to rip the skin off the side of my pinkie finger, making this very hard to type. So farewell for now!

But not before I share my favorite picture of the lot:

My beautiful spring bouquet - complete with Roses!!